1) He has a copy of the new CBA on his desk. Next to it he has “The New CBA For Dummies“, “The Simplified New CBA For Dummies” , “How To Use A ‘For Dummies‘ Book, For Dummies” and a Picture Dictionary.
2) When asked at a presser “If he’d ever gazump another GM on a deal at the last second” he answers “Oh, no: there is as much of a code of honour among GMs as there is among Players” and looks hurt when the entire room falls about laughing for a good five minutes
3) He’s on the phone to Aaron Ward telling him “Man, have I got a scoop for you”
4) You’ve caught him doing the Taxi Driver “You Talking To Me?” bit in front of a picture of Ray Shero
5) He appears to have made an awful lot of calls to Mike Milbury in the run up to the trade.
6) He has been downplaying the importance of your veteran Franchise Player while extolling the virtues of College Hockey based on the ten minutes of UMass-Lowell that he caught the other weekend.
7) He’s complaining because he’s sent a MySpace Bulletin about his available players and the only person to get back to him is some guy called “Tom” who he thinks maybe works for the Panthers?
8) His name rhymes with “Way ToomuchpaidtoBouwmeester”
That’s right, CtA now has a Photoshop/parody guy. We are more than excited to welcome Michael Devine, who will be posting as regularly as he would like on this site and gracing us and you readers with some hilarity.
Firstly, go follow him on Twitter @brightblack76. Then, double-check to make sure you’re following him, because you’re missing out if you’re not. He already has some stuff up here for you to check out when you get the chance.
Michael, who also has gone by mightymikeD, describes himself as such: “Irish, lives in London and goes through horrific sleep-deprivation to watch Hawks games at Ass O’Clock in the Morning!”
And you thought YOU were a die-hard fan.
Have you been wondering how Stan Bowman is “wooing” Jarome Iginla to come to Chicago? Well, without further bullshit, here’s Michael’s first contribution to CtA:
“Iggy: A Morality Play”
Scene: Morning. A luxury Chicago hotel room. Jarome Iginla wakes up. He appears to be in the bathtub. His head is pounding and there is a funny taste in his mouth. He groans and looks at his watch, realises, with horror, that he is late for his flight and tries to climb out of the bath.
Iggy: “Oh, heck, Bob’s going to kill me. Without me being there the guys will just be milling around aimlessly in the terminal and Kipper has probably got himself deported!”
He catches sight of himself in the bathroom mirror and freezes in horror.
Iggy: “What in the fudge? Why am I wearing make-up? What are these bruises on my arms? WHY DO I HAVE “PK RULEZ YO” WRITTEN IN LIPSTICK ON MY CHEST??!?”
There is a loud knocking at the door. Iginla hurries to get dressed. His clothes appear to be missing except for his suit pants, although they have been cut off inexpertly at thigh-height, and his tie; which has some odd stains on it.
Iggy: “I’m coming, I’m coming. Oh, fiddlesticks, where is my shirt?”
The knocking continues, louder and more insistent. Iginla gives up and opens the door.
Stan Bowman stands there, smiling strangely.
The worst-kept secret in the NHL is that Jarome Iginla has submitted a list of teams he’d be willing to waive his no-trade clause for by the April 3rd trade deadline, and the Blackhawks are one of them.
While Iginla didn’t exactly shine in Tuesday’s visit to the United Center with his awful team, count me in as someone willing to part ways with a couple of second-tier prospects and a pick to bring him to Chicago as a rental. The main reasons? Dave Bolland is beginning to infuriate me, and the thought of Iginla in a Hawks sweater gets me more excited than a 13-year-old boy seeing his first set of tits. He’s got plenty left in the tank.
The Blackhawks ended their two-game “losing streak” by holding woeful Calgary to just 16 shots in a 2-0 victory, making an easy night for Ray Emery as he set an NHL record by winning his first 12 starts of the season. Miikka Kiprusoff helped out by allowing Nick Leddy’s weak shot slip through before a Brent Seabrook shot was deflected off Iginla’s stick for the other goal.
Patrick Kane assisted on each score and played another stellar contest. If not for a guy named Crosby, the Hart Trophy likely would be coming to Chicago for the first time since Bobby Hull and Stan Mikita each won back-to-back awards from 1964-68.
A couple quick thoughts before Boxing…
– Seriously, what in the flying fuck is going on with Bolland? I am going to admit that I’ve never been his biggest fan and always felt he was a bit overrated. But man, he’s just not getting it done. Besides being ridiculously injury prone at the age of 26 (he’s missed seven games this season, six the year before, 21 in 2010-11 and 42 in the Stanley Cup season), he’s a second-line center who can’t win a fucking draw to save his life. Bolland went 8 for 22 at the dot Tuesday, dropping him to 44.6 percent on the season. He needs to get his shit together, and quickly, because his awful percentage at the dot is keeping the puck off of Kane’s stick.
– Only in Chicago would meatballs begin thinking there’s a goaltender controversy. I saw posts on social media to the tune of, “WHYS DAT EMERY GUY NOT DA FULL-TIME SHARTER IN THE DA NET FOR DEM HOCKS? DAT CRAWFORD LET IN GOALS DE UDDER NIGHT AND EMERY DIDN’T LET ANY GO IN DA NET SO HE SHOULD ALWAYS BE IN DA NET. CRAWFORD SUCKS, MY FRENTS!” Crawford has a 2.02 GAA and .922 save percentage, while Emery sports numbers of 2.09 and .920. What the fuck is wrong with simply having two goaltenders who are both playing fantastically? Just shut the fuck up and appreciate it. Thank you.
Right, Boxing. Right-click the image and click ‘view’ to enlarge…
Nakis and I give you plenty of Jarome Iginla trade discussion as well as a brief look ahead to Monday’s tilt with the Los Angeles Kings at the United Center. Mainly Iginla talk, though. Like, a lot.
30 minutes. Aaaaand go …
If the embeded link above doesn’t work for you, click here to listen.
Well, that sucked. The Blackhawks played a (mostly) good game in Anaheim, but another victory just wasn’t in the cards tonight. It’s really late so we’ll get right to it.
Peter Holland opened the scoring just a minute and a half into the game for the Ducks after Brent Seabrook inexplicably failed to clear the zone not once, but twice in the same sequence. Just minutes later, following a (horrible) Brandon Bollig penalty, Jonathan Toews scored on a shorthanded breakaway that won’t soon be forgotten. After blocking a blast off the stick of Sheldon Souray, Toews was off to the races and went forehand, backhand and then back to the forehand, undressing Jonas Hiller in the process. If you missed it, go watch it.
The Hawks were outshot 7-2 through the first 12 minutes, and indeed at times it felt like the Ducks were dominating the play in the opening frame. The Hawks were able to escape the first period ties thanks in large part to the brilliance of Corey Crawford.
The second period was a tale of two Blackhawk power plays. The first came just two minutes into the period. It featured exactly zero shots on net. It was horrific. It made me cry. Ten minutes later, they went back to the man advantage and looked like a completely different team, moving bodies around and getting traffic in front of Hiller. It culminated with a 93 MPH Nick Leddy rocket finding it’s way through traffic and past Hiller. Credit to Viktor Stalberg, who loomed large out in front.
It appeared the Hawks went ahead by two early on in the 3rd when Brandon Bollig directed a puck past Hiller – but the suits in Toronto ruled there was a distinct kicking motion and disallowed the goal. But not to worry – the Hawks were pushing the play. At one point, Steve Konroyd opined the Hawks were playing like they were down a goal. Indeed (early on), it appeared the Hawks would avoid going into their usual shell and keep attacking, but it wouldn’t last.
As the Hawks started to fall back, the Ducks seized the momentum. All of the sudden, the Hawks were on their heels. Bobby Ryan tapped in a fat rebound to tie the game with five and a half minutes remaining. Then, it all collapsed. Ryan Getzlaf moved in on a 2 on 1 with Teemu Selanne, who beat Crawford five hole. It was Selanne’s first goal in 10 games and only his 6th of the year. Sheldon Souray added a late empty net goal. Bah.
Now it’s super late so just a few Bullit Pointz (or whatever):
* Instead of being 7 points up in the Conference, the Hawks are now just 3 points ahead of the Ducks.
* What massive balls the Captain possesses. Sheldon Souray is famous for his cannon. Toews had no qualms whatsoever about stepping in front of it. It lead to a breakaway and a goal. All hail Jonathan Toews.
* Corey Crawford had a fantastic first 55 minutes. The last 5? Not so much.
* Patrick Kane skated 25 minutes tonight. I know they’re far away and have five days off coming up, but if Hossa can’t go on Monday I’d like to see someone from Rockford get called up. If Joel Queneville is only going to let Daniel Carcillo play three shifts and still refuses to dress Jamal Mayers, then why not give him someone he can use in the short term? The Hawks have NHL ready talent in Rockford, there is no need to wear down guys like Kane.
* Tough guy Bryan Allen really showed Marcus Kruger who was boss there at the end of the second period. What a douche.
* Speaking of douches, in the second period Brandon Bollig delayed beginning his backcheck to scream at the official. Note to Bollig: You are not Jonathan Toews. Shut up and get back.
* Quenneville was surprisingly upbeat in his post-game press conference. Not really sure what to make of that. He “hopes” Marian Hossa will play Monday. So do I.
* Brandon Saad had another fantastic game.
* You know you’re pumped for the Kings on Monday. Look out for another CtA podcast on Sunday evening.
This is the type of game you want to see the Blackhawks play against a team that can match them in the speed department. Getting in shooting lanes, not committing penalties, controlling possessions and forcing the other team to either get a goalie win or score more while being outshot by nearly double. There was never a point during this contest where you ever thought Chicago wouldn’t win.
At least the Central Division “rivalry” with the Blue Jackets ended in style.
Johnny Oduya scored his first goal of the season on a sick pass from Patrick Kane before Jonathan Toews and Kane scored in the shootout to give the Blackhawks a 2-1 win to kick off their four-game road trip.
Kaner also notched his 400th career point with the assist in his 426th career game.
Thursday marked the final time the ‘Hawks and BJs would meet as division foes due to the realignment that will send Columbus to the Eastern Conference beginning next season. And the Jackets gave the ‘Hawks all they could handle in the four meetings. Each were decided by one goal, with two going past regulation.
And who knows? Maybe that won’t be the last time the Blackhawks see Columbus this season after all. The BJs are making a push for the playoffs after earning a point in their ninth straight game.
They didn’t have enough, though, to get past the ‘Hawks (22-2-3), who had dropped their previous two games following The Streak. It’s late so I’ll just leave you with this before Boxing: One concern? The Blackhawks’ penalty kill has allowed six power play goals in 10 chances over their last three games after giving up another one to Columbus.
Otherwise, Boxing has some more positive stuff. Right-click the image, then click ‘view’ to enlarge…
Nakis and I tried our hand at podcasting. We discussed plenty of things over the course of 30 minutes, including:
– Click on the damn link and listen.
We failed to recap the first regulation loss (my fault) that bucked the point streak to open the season but the difference in both that contest and this one against the Oilers was the same. One bad period where the Hawks surrendered four goals and it put the game out of reach. The difference between Friday and Sunday’s game was that Chicago battled back and nearly completed the comeback against the Oil.
This means a sick, cruel joke was played on all of us yesterday. Get well soon, Michael Frolik.