Photo by John Russell/NHLI via Getty Images

Somehow this series is tied 1-1. The Blackhawks deserve to be opening up game 3 at United Center down 2-0 and needing to be desperate. They’re still comfortable right now, it seems. They’ve miraculously taken home ice advantage back despite being the worse team in both contests.

The goaltending “controversy” happening in Chicago is taking center stage in the media and even in the locker room. Scott Darling is getting the start this afternoon, but that’s masking the fact that the Hawks have been hot garbage in front of whichever guy is standing in the blue paint and it’s been that way for weeks.

To describe why the Hawks have been, well, pretty bad recently let’s turn to Chicago native Kanye West

Too many Urkels on your team that’s why your Winslow

It’s poignant stuff. We’re not used to this seeing a roster like this, but Kanye is right. The Blackhawks absolutely have too many Urkels. The Urkels of the Nashville Predators are producing. Calle Jarnkrok and Viktor Stalberg have two points a piece, Matt Cullen is on the scoresheet, Mike Santorelli looks like a hockey player and not a mop and a bucket at the top with a face painted on it. They’re showing up and dummying the Blackhawks lines that don’t have Jonathan Toews and Marian Hossa on them.

Meanwhile, the Blackhawks’ Urkels: Brad Richards, Bryan Bickell, Kris Versteeg, Joakim Nordstrom, and Brandon Saad have essentially been worse than invisible. They combine for 0 points. Four of them have appeared on Blackhawks power plays. Their mistakes are magnified because the biggest Urkels in the series are Blackhawks defensemen. Michael Roszival’s turning radius is that of a cruise ship and he can’t contribute in the defensive zone. Trade deadline acquisition Kimmo Timmonen can barely get off of the bench because he’s also terrible and old and slow. So when the Urkel forwards are bad, the Urkel defensemen are worse.

There’s not much that can be done about having to play four defensemen, but Joel Quenneville needs to take a hard look at his lineup and figure out a way to get Antoine Vermette on the fucking ice. His absence is inexcusable if you’re going to cite that his benching was “performance based.” Richards and the rest of the squad mentioned above deserve to watch the game from the Billy Goat instead of playing a regular shift.

It matters not who’s in net this afternoon. The Urkels need to get going or this series isn’t going past 5 games.