bolligface

Brandon Bollig is a great hockey man, said no one ever. Some would consider him a real key to a great team. If you do, your strategy may look a bit like this:

 

The other day, Brandon Bollig posted a nice little motivational poster on his Twitter dot com account.

I was curious how exactly Brandon Bollig is a lion so I did a little research.

Watch how the King of the Jungle leaps into the air to catch his prey unaware. Notice how the scary creature aims for the head for maximum effect. You definitely wouldn’t want your prey getting away on anything but a stretcher. Such a tasty meal for the brave lion.

Sometimes as a lion you have to be sneaky. The lion isn’t the fastest animal in the jungle, so he must use his stealthy claws and elbows from behind to make sure the prey cant get away.

Our Lion has now had two very healthy meals. I think its time for our lion to show off his other abilities!

You see our Majestic Lion has big and clumsy paws, not good for precision work. The Lion must know how to use the skills he has so that he can maximize his chances for success. Uhh ohh let’s watch Mr. Lion try using skills he doesn’t have and how that would affect his hunting game!

http://video.nhl.com/videocenter/console?id=2013030231-629-h

Ohh dear, our poor unfortunate lion just showed us all how bad he was at using his big clumsy paws and then he panics and tries to use them in a way God never intended! This lion has some ‘splainin to do!

YAY! Another signature Majestic Lion Sneak Attack!

Sometimes the Lion can be a mysterious animal. His prey thinks he is going to do one thing and then he does another! Just watch as Mr. Lion surgically places a projectile behind an aquatic submerging animal, the dolphin (but that’s another story Mr. Smith!). Look how surprised the dolphin was! In fact, the dolphin’s skills significantly declined after he realized that it was Mr. Lion who scored on him. Thanks Mr. lion, you made the dolphin cry!

Here we find our dangerous lion looking for a feast and instead serves up a tasty meal to a scary Bear!

Ohh no a scary dumpster monster has come to beat you up! What will you do Mr. lion?! Let him punch you in the face a lot? Bold strategy Sir Lion!

I think after reviewing the evidence and seeing the Lion in his Natural Habitat that he is not a lion at all, but rather a dinosaur! Don’t be scared hockey fans, all of these types of dinosaurs will be gone soon!

UPDATE: Our good pal Brandon Bollig decided he wanted to defend his honor against the haterz!