You Need The Glory: Blues @ Hawks
At the moment no one in St Louis gives a shit about the Blues. Now they know how the rest of the NHL feels, all the time. The Best Fans In Baseball are too busy laying in the meth and practicing pushing wheelchair-bound ushers down stairs ahead of Saturday’s playoff game to expand their precious bender-scratch on Hockey. (It’s a meaningful Playoff game, too, with the StL side not being the ones facing elimination, a situation entirely alien to Blues fans.) Luckily this game is in Chicago so Hawks fans are supposed to outnumber Blues supporters.
The last meeting was fairly even-steven until the Hawks gave up a goal with 20 seconds to go. The subsequent wild celebrations from the Blues players show how well their expectations have been managed in the face of half the media outlets n Hockey rushing to crown them as this years Champions , no definitely this time, for sure.
Tonight, the Blues will be without the services of Complete Arse Maxim Lapierre as he is awaiting suspension. Oddly, notorious Semi-Literate Internet Slurry-Pit, St. Louis Gametime, denounced him in an editorial called “Get Lapierre Off My Hockey Team”. Blind pig, acorn etc. On the other hand, sections of the Vancouver fanbase are cranking up the “Free Raffi” machine to defend another of their shithead alumni. I’ve seen it suggested that it’s a conspiracy and he’ll get clobbered because he used to be a Nuck. Sometimes, those stereotypes about fanbases are there for a reason.
Word is that Brandon Pirri is in tonight, although apparently ahead of robust Ben Smith (who they seem to be keeping away from the Blues) rather than the tiny Nordstrom. Maybe this is some tough love from Q after he showed some rookie yips the other night?
The other Brandon, Saad, will be looking to get stuck in again and his speed and power on the 3rd Line could have the bum-of-the-month club positioned there for St Louis reeling (Paajarvi is in for Lapierre, apparently)
The other other Brandon, Bollig, managed to avoid getting drawn into any asshattery in his hometown.. however, as we know, the Blues Dial the Douche all the way to 11 when they come to the UC so he’ll be hard pressed to stay out of it tonight.
Backes will headhunt “Furriners” including his favourite Canadian, J. Toews. Barret Jackman will do his famous impersonation of a reanimated australopithecus and Roman Polak will become sexually aroused while sitting on the bench as he reminisces about that happy summer he spent clubbing seals.
We know the drill.. survive any early pressure, keep probing and skating around the nonsense and StL will lose their minds and march to the box. And, you know what, for the first time in a long time, the Hawks have a PP that can punish them for it.
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