It’s been a funny old season, not least because the Eastern and Western Conferences have (until now) been kept apart, in much the same way that a St Louis Marriage Counselor (Police Officer to you & I) steps in between Durleen and Wayde when they get to tussling over the last of the meth.
We know all about the West, of course, having spent the year kicking them all in (often repeatedly). However, in a spirit of enquiry, I reached out to excellent Bruins blog Days of Y’Orr to see what, exactly, they think of the Western Conference over there in the East and how they think this series will shake out.
What follows is all theirs.. be warned.
You know what?
Fuck the Western Conference.
There I said it. I’m sick of the Western Conference and the type of teams that come out of it when it comes to a Stanley Cup Finals. Vancouver? Los Angeles? Anaheim? Chicago? Is this real life I’m dealing with here or will I eventually find out it’s just the inside of some kid’s snowglobe?
I mean, Jesus Christ, the NHL should rename the Western Conference the “Teams that don’t have real fans until they make the Stanley Cup Conference”. Seriously, look at those teams? One city riots when they lose because their team is garbage, one city’s team was created based on a line of Disney movies, one city doesn’t even know hockey exists and one city is Chicago, where 2/3rds of the population probably can’t even read this.
I’ll even go as far as saying the Eastern Conference, despite where the Stanley Cup may reside for the year, is better than the Western Conference. It’s why NBC loves the Eastern Conference. Think about it: Boston, Pittsburgh, New York, Philadelphia, Washington, Toronto and Montreal. Those cities just orgasm hockey. Pucks literally shoot out of every orifice in NBC when those teams play one another.
Watching the St. Louis Blues doesn’t excite people. The St. Louis Blues are as close to baseball on ice as I’ve ever seen – meaning they’re a fucking snoozefest. Did you watch the St. Louis Blues this postseason?
Probably not because Western hockey games are so on fucking late. What’s up with that? Look, I like hockey like the next person but I’m not staying up until 1am to watch the LA Kings and the St. Louis Blues. I don’t care how good Jonathan Quick is or how many times Pierre is going to butcher Kevin Shattenkirk’s name – I’m just not going to do it.
Stop with this! Make them normal times – half of the Western Conference teams can’t even fill their building so do your job and get the Eastern Conference people to tune in.
The sad thing is is that even Detroit doesn’t want to stay in the Western Conference. That crybaby Mike Illitch has been sobbing into Nicklas Lidstrom’s jersey for the past 50 years he’s been playing and complaining to Uncle Gary to get Detroit in the East.
And here they are. The NHL’s resource room (see: Southeast Division) has been disbanded and the Atlantipeg Trashets will be playing in the West – ensuring that they’ll never make the playoffs again. Hopefully Evander Kane has enough dollar bill tissues around. I’ll never understand why an athlete signs a huge contract with a shitty team and then bitches about never making the playoffs.
HELLO MORON, YOU SIGNED WITH WINNIPEG.
The only good thing to do in Winnipeg is to fornicate with a moose. Or maybe a yak. I’m not sure what type of animal can survive their “colder than an Eskimo’s balls” winters.
But yeah, I want to thank the NHL for this new realignment. Putting Tampa and Florida in the Bruins new conference? Brilliant. It means Boston is guaranteed 6-9 victories per year out of those 12 horrible, horrible hockey games. I’ll take it. I’ll complain about it, but I’ll take it.
So lets finish this up with a look at the Stanley Cup Finals. I won’t go into the whole Original Six thing because NBC will deflower your ears with it every chance they can get. Seriously – get ready for the Bobby Orr and Phil Esposito dual showings. One in a Boston jersey then one in a Chicago jersey and their stats for each and blah, blah, blah.
If Boston plays the way they did against Pittsburgh, and it will be hard to replicate that type of play, they will win this going away. When you can shut down two lines of all-stars (Crosby, Malkin, Neal, Iginla, Kunitz and Dupuis) then I think they can shut down Toews/Kane combo.
For both teams it’s going to start in net. Both Rask and Crawford have been good to great this postseason, but have slipped along the way. Go right down the stat line at NHL.com:
Corey Crawford: 1.74
Tuukka Rask: 1.75
Tuukka Rask: .943
Corey Crawford: .935
Tuukka Rask: 2
Corey Crawford: 1
They’re basically identical in every category.
The team that wins will do so because their goalie will stand on his head to do it. I know that’s a little cliche, but watching Tuukka Rask in Game 1, 2 and 4 against Pittsburgh showed me the that he can steal games.
You need a goaltender who can steal games.
Between Rask and David Krejci, who leads the NHL in goals and points, I’m going to go with my homer heart and pick the Bruins in 6 games.
But I only picked 6 games because I’d like to see them win the Cup at home for once.