That’s you, that is..

The Hawks find themselves in something of a sticky situation, having dropped three straight to the Red Wings and facing an Elimination Game at the UC tonight . This has left sections of the fanbase a little on-edge, shall we say.

Tonight is going to suck, whatever happens: even if the Hawks stomp the Wings in impressive fashion, that merely prolongs the agony . We’ve seen the suffering, the angst and the despair on the message boards and blogs. We feel this pain and we empathize.  But we have a commitment to helping you through these terrible hours and days, and the first stage of dealing with it to to know where you stand. Therefore, your friends here at Cheer The Anthem have come up with this handy quiz, in order to find out just how close to the ledge you are.

 

Wings Of Despair

The Hawks could be facing elimination in Game 5 at the UC. You have tickets.  What are your plans?

a) You’re going to go and cheer on the guys, making as much noise as possible so that the UC is truly a “Madhouse”

b) You’re afraid the game will be a deathwatch but you feel that you’ve got to go: this could be the last game of the year.

c) You’ve already given your tickets to a wino because he can’t stink any worse than the rest of those lousy bums on the ice

 

Corey Crawford let in three goals in Game 3, two in rapid succession. At what point did you call for him to be replaced by Ray Emery?

a) You didn’t call for Razor at all! None of those goals were Crow’s fault and he’s made some absolutely great saves all series. If Q has faith in him, then so do you.

b) After the third goal: it may not have been entirely his fault but it’s not fair on a goalie’s confidence to leave him in when he’s getting shelled.

c) You actually started calling for Emery in the shower that morning, then continued throughout your commute, your working day and while making conversation with your spouse over dinner.

 

The Refs are…

a) Just trying to do their job, the game is incredibly fast and decisions have to be made in a split second, without access to the sort of slow-motion replays that we have on TV

b) Have made some pretty poor calls, but it’s affected both sides, so these things tend to balance themselves out over the course of a series.

c) Those damn zebras cost us a game: they’re clearly under instructions from Bettman to make sure that Detroit win.  If you slow down the footage of the Shaw no-goal you can see the ref making a secret signal to someone in the crowd right before he waves it off. They’ve fitted Toews’ stick with a magnet that makes it attracted to the metal plates in Red Wings player’s heads. They’re all in on it. Come round tonight and I’ll show you, I’ve made diagrams and everything.. hey, where are you going?

 

Jonathan Toews’ production is down: he has yet to register a point in this series, is struggling at the dot and had three penalties in rapid succession in Game 4. How do you feel about this?

a) Not worried: yes, he’s had his issues but all the available metrics suggest that he’s playing just fine, simply has not had the puck go in the net. That’ll surely change.

b) Slightly worried: this recent outburst of petulance suggests a player who is not entirely happy with himself.  Of course, facing Zetterburg has probably kept him occupied, too. But it’s past time for him to show some leadership and remind us of Captain Serious from 2010

c) Who gave that lousy bum the “C”? How long is he signed for? Q should bench his ass. Don’t we get a compliance Buyout this year? Maybe we could get Buff and Ladd back from Winnipeg?

 

What was I thinking?

If the Season does end tonight, Coach Q should be..

a) Given the benefit of the doubt: after all, he did deliver the Presidents Trophy and has been up against one of the League’s wiliest coaches in Mike Babcock

b) Fired. He’s had a great run but some of this team’s failings are clearly down to the coaching. Time to let Stan Bowman hire his own man and move the team forward.

c) Fired out of a huge cannon, into a gigantic pile of rancid elephant crap, dragged out by his ‘Stache, hosed off with battery acid, reloaded into the cannon and fired again, this time directly into the Sun.

Supporting the Hawks is..

a) Still an honour and a privilege. The bad times just make the good times that much sweeter.

b) It’s been a strain on heart, mind and liver. The Hockey Gods are cruel masters and sometimes, I swear, they’re out to get me, personally. But yeah, Go Hawks.

c) you know that form of Masochism where you hit yourself repeatedly in the crotch with a hammer wrapped in barbed wire because it’s really nice when you stop? That’s the one.

 

Have you made any plans for the rest of the Summer?

a) I sure have! And it starts with a Cup Parade in Chicago!

b) Trying not to think about the Draft, Free Agency and the long haul till Training Camp. There’ll be time for that yet.

c) Summer? More like Nuclear Winter. Turns out the Mayans were just off by a few months: the World will be coming to an end right around the moment the Hawks form a handshake line. On UC ice. Bring on the Apocalypse! I could do with a break.

 

With apologies to Beckett

So: how did you do?

Mostly a):
You’ve got a sunny disposition and a basically optimistic outlook that you’ve somehow managed to maintain under this deluge of disappointment . You’re also clearly on powerful drugs. (I’ll see you in the alley in about five minutes, ok?)

Mostly b):

You’re under no illusions about how hard this is going to be and what the scale of the problem is. However you’re gritting your teeth and girding your loins and preparing as best you can. Incidentally, did you know that repressing seething emotions can be really bad for your blood pressure? Oh, no reason, just thought I’d mention it..

Mostly c):

Oh boy. You’re out there with the pigeons, watching the traffic far below. You’re even starting, in your suffering, to let Meathead Thoughts creep in to your skull.  I fear for your health, safety and sanity if this drags on much more. Try to hold it together.. it’ll be over soon, one way or another. And save me a space until.. oh, say the first Hawks PP tonight? Thanks

 

We ain’t dead yet, folks. Hang in there, stay strong and above all..

Let’s Go, ‘Hawks!