Do The Jerk: Blues 3 Hawks 3 (Blues Win SO)
Well, that didn’t feel good, now did it? The Hawks’ first loss to a Central Division rival this Season and it had to be the Blues. Never mind that it came at the end of a hard-fought game full of incident, a pulsating OT period and a coronary-inducing six-round shootout, losing to St. Louis always stings. Because they’re assholes. This feels like another one that got away and another example of the Hawks failing to kill off the opposition before the third period when given plenty of opportunity.
After pretty much torching the Blues for the first two periods, the Hawks were 2-1 up going into the 3rd, due to a fortunate goal from Adam (Score Some) Cracknell after a Keith blowout at Center Ice and two in quick succession in the 2nd from Toews and Saad. Then Cracknell got his second of the night (and season) when Seabrook tipped his long shot past Crawford and Noted Manly Man Backuusss popped up from wherever he’d been hiding until then to score from close range. Viktor Stalberg tied it with 4 1/2 to go, overtime came and went in a flurry of Hawks shots, and then the SO marched through joy and despair and back again till Shattenkirk ended it after Handzus missed his shot. Bullets..
- Crow didn’t have his best game tonight.. he should have had at least two and possibly all three of the goals. In the SO he flipped between inspiration and desperation. Up the other end, Brian Elliot was channeling Pekka Rinne for a .917 on 36 shots. He even looked competent at the shootout. Can’t last.
- Marian is back and he showed flashes of Beast-Mode but otherwise was a touch ring-rusty after his layoff.
- Kane was quiet, by his standards. Toews on the other hand was a fucking monster, repeatedly fighting his way through holding, hooking and other standard Blues bullshit. His pass to Saad for the second goal seemed to happen in slow-motion. Skating Rectal Wart Jackman is probably only realising that he was meant to be picking up 20 right about now.
- Brandon Saad could have had a hat-trick tonight. That kid is hell-on-wheels and is as surely in the Calder conversation as chunks of Provel cheese are fermenting in the folds of Hitchcock’s chins.
- Tarasenko was a serious handful for a while, but faded as the game went on. He’s clearly learned from the master as Backes was practically invisible all night, annoying goal notwithstanding
- Handzhus looked useful. He was a beast at the dot (10-14) and showed some good hands and brains. Boy is he slow, though. On the subject of Faceoffs, Toews had (for him ) a stinker at only 50% (9-18) but compared to Bolland and Shaw with their 33% he’s a Prince.
- On the subject of those two, they both need to be made to watch footage of their performance tonight Ludovico Treatment -style, with a Kazoo version of “Call Me Maybe” being played over the top. At least Shaw had some hustle to his game, even if he was in full headless-chicken mode. Bolland wasn’t in the game aside from a dumb slashing penalty in the 1st. The entire 3rd line stunk the place up most of the night, although Bickell and Stalberg got some redemption late on.
- Jay Bouwmeester may have gotten himself an assist on Backes’ goal but otherwise he looked old, slow and dumb. Maybe being on shitty teams isn’t the only reason he’s never played in a meaningful game. But he looked like a Norris Candidate compared to a couple of his colleagues: let’s give them each a bullet. And then discuss them in a point format.
- Roman Polak, the Meaning Of Dumb. What do you do if one of your defensive colleagues has already been hurt and has just had an accidental collision into the boards that may or may not have exacerbated it? If you answered “Chewing Gum?” then you are Roman Polak and you’ve just earned yourself 17 PIMs for going and punching a defenseless player who is wearing a full visor due to recent stitching. Perhaps you’re a little dizzy after having Hawks forwards skating around you all game. Polak would be an easy winner of “Most Worthless Player On The Ice”, no mean feat in a game that has Ryan Reaves in it, if it wasn’t for that aforementioned colleague…
- Barret Jackman. If you look up “Rectal Wart” in the dictionary you’ll find that the page is missing because Jackman has used it to line his litter-tray. His night started with an uncalled Boarding of Marcus Kruger, continued with being made to look like a Shit in a Centrifuge by Toews and Saad for the go-ahead goal and ended with him attempting to assert his manhood over a chirping Ray Emery on the bench, only to be rewarded by Razor delivering the time-honoured “Wanker” gesture while smiling serenely at him. The last time I saw anything that looked like Jackman as he was escorted off the ice, the whole herd had to be destroyed and incinerated.
- Ryan Reaves got a point. He’s still shit at everything.
- At the start of the 3rd, Edzo was burbling about the Hawks had been out-hit 104-47 in the series against StL so far. DIE O.
So that’s that. Another point that should have been two, but 58 points and counting as the season marches on. Next up is the Preds with their particular brand of trappy awfulness. By the time the Hawks get their shots so that they can enter St Louis without catching Stoopid, the Division should be sewn up along with a playoff berth. And I’m going to go to sleep now and dream of a Hawks win on the last day of the season that denies the Blues a Playoff place. On a Jackman clearing attempt that deflects in off Bouwmeester.
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