I honestly can’t believe this is my third year doing this. But alas, it will never get old quoting Seinfeld. With the Blackhawks making some significant moves to revamp the team and Patrick Kane being in the news once again, it’s time to let Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine take the reins.

Part I in 2009 featured quotes such as: “Well you know when you break up and say things you don’t mean? Well he says the mean things you don’t mean and he means them,” dedicated to Martin Havlat and his Twitter escapades.

Part II in 2010 brought you: “Have you ever been through an audit? It’s the financial equivalent of a complete rectal examination,” referencing the Capocolypse.

Let’s see what’s in store for Part III, with events in no particular order …

“So he yells out, “Ready, On your mark, Get set, ” and I was so keyed up I just took off. By the time he said go I was ten yards ahead of everybody.” (Jerry in “The Race”)

→  Stan Bowman trades for the negotiation rights to Steve Montador, then signs him to four-year, $11 million deal.

Bowman got off to his own head start, acquiring Montador’s right’s from Buffalo before the free-agent period began. This was a move I had hoped for before it happened, given Montador’s experience, style of play and increase of points each of the past two seasons. With Campbell gone, the ‘Hawks needed another veteran defenseman at the right price to help make up for the loss, and Bowman made a solid choice in nabbing Montador before anyone else could.


“Grateful? How can you be grateful when you’re so close to the end?! When you know that any second – Poof! Bam-O! It can all be over! I mean you’re not stupid, you can read the handwriting on the wall. It’s a matter of simple arithmetic for God’s sake!” (George in “The Old Man”)

Stan Bowman signs 39-year-old Sean O’Donnell, 37-year-old Andrew Brunette and 36-year-old Jamal Mayers.

I’m not one to start comparing these moves to the “Detroit Model,” given the Red Wings usually signed older players who had inordinate amounts of success early in their career and/or won a Stanley Cup, but Bowman addressed the lack of veterans with these three July 1. O’Donnell, the one who has won a Cup (2007 with Anaheim) will be expected to bring a big voice to a young locker room while contributing, likely, on the third-pairing D tandem. Mayers was brought in to bring some physicality to the fourth line and knock some people around.

Brunette’s signing is expected to have the most impact of the three, given his ability to add goals from the Top 6 which Troy Brouwer failed to produce. Don’t be surprised to see him get some first line minutes this season, especially with Patrick Sharp currently slotted as the second-line center.


KRAMER: “You got a problem with Woody Woodpecker?” … GEORGE: “Yeah, what is he? Some sort of an instigator?” … KRAMER: “That’s right. He’s a troublemaker.” (Exchange from “The Mom and Pop Store”)

The formerly hated Dan Carcillo comes to Chicago.

Carcillo’s signing was greeted with a ton of shit from the ‘Hawks fan base due to his antics during the Stanley Cup Final. And these are the same people who were probably cheering and clamoring for John Scott to be in the lineup. Well, Carcillo is Scott, but with 30-times more skill. He’s scored 10 goals twice in his career, and two of his four last season were game-winners. He’s going to get into scrapes, and it’ll be plenty more entertaining – and effective – than anything Scott has done.


“What is going on in this community?! Are you people aware of what’s happening?! What is driving you to this behavior? Is it the humidity? Is it the Muzak? Is it the white shoes?” (Jerry in “The Pen”)

→  Former Blackhawks general manager and current Florida GM Dale Tallon trades for Brian Campbell, then signs Tomas Kopecky to a four-year, $12 million deal.

In Tallon’s race to the salary cap floor, he took Campbell’s salary off the Blackhawks’ books and then overpaid the holy living shit out of Kopecky, a guy the ‘Hawks had no intention of re-signing – and not for money reasons. The Campbell trade was beneficial for both sides, given it freed up the money to sign the aforementioned additions, and Florida gets a very good defenseman who Chicago hopefully won’t miss. However, the Florida heat must have gotten to Tallon after these two moves, as he proceeded to overpay the flying hell out of anyone he could get a phone date with.


“Why is what I do is so important? Why must I be always the vocal point of attention? Let me just be, let me live.” (George in “The Cafe”)

→  Patrick Kane is in the news again this offseason after surgery to repair a broken bone in his wrist.

The jokes started almost immediately, given Kane’s offseason forays into the realm of 20 Cent, public intoxication and random fornication. Kane’s legitimate injury won’t stop people from trying to further tarnish an image already void of being fixed – at least for the present. While I’m sure we’d all like the past couple years of Kane’s off-ice antics to disappear, any mention of this guy’s name not having to do with what he’s doing during the season will simply continue to further the notion he’s a punk. Just ask yourself this: If you’re a 21-year-old millionaire with a personality, how would you spend your free time?


“Excuse me … we’ve been waiting here. Now I KNOW we were ahead of that guy, he just came in.” (Jerry in “The Chinese Restaurant”)

Restricted free agents Michael Frolik, Viktor Stalberg and Chris Campoli wait as Bowman brings in five new players

The questions were asked each day regarding the waiting game on the restricted guys, enhanced even more by the fact new additions seemed to be signing at a dizzying pace. Finally, everything was solved. Frolik is back as we all hope his 20-goal form reemerges after he tailed off last season, first with the Panthers then in Chicago. Stalberg is going to have to battle through a rough 2010-11 to earn a spot on the roster with some other youngsters eager to make the big club.

The Campoli situation was solved with Sami Lepisto, as Bowman refused to shell out the cash and agree to Campoli’s demands. I agree with Bowman’s decision, as the extra cap space will help allow for a deadline acquisition if need be.


→ I’m done. Wait for hockey.